The Mother Who Says her Children are her Biggest Regret

If you haven't heard, there is an article that has gone viral written by a woman who says that having children was the biggest regret of her life.  If you haven't read the article, you can read it here.  

To sum it up, Isabella Dutton (pictured above) writes that having her two children was her biggest regret.  She says

 "I resented the time my children consumed. 

Like parasites, they took from me and didn't give back"

It is shocking to read it.  If you are a mom, your mind immediately goes to your children and you think, "I would never say that!"   

 Truth be told, we have all had those moments where we wonder what our life would be like if we had not had children.  I would be lying if I said that I hadn't.  Those nights where all three kids are sick and I am mopping up poop and vomit, yes, I have had moments where I may resent the fact that I had children.  So what is the difference between this woman and me?  

For me, those moments are rare and I can "snap out of it." I understand that my feelings of resentment are temporary and that the reality is I would never want to be without any of my three children.  Does that mean I never need a break from them? No!  It just means that even when I have reached my limit, I still love them and I am so grateful to have them in my life.

Isabella Dutton is different than me because her feelings are permanent.  She never "snaps out of it" and realizes that her children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.  Her feelings aren't rare, they are constant.  

So what is wrong with this woman?  She says

 "I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse."

To anyone that has experienced post partum depression, that quote sounds eerily familiar.  She clearly is suffering from it even though she says that she isn't.  She has never faced it and definitely needed some form of counseling or medication.  There is no shame in that.  I suffered from PPD after my first child was born.  

In addition to the PPD, I also think she is suffering from something else.  She says 

 

"What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind. And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn't there any more. There were two small interlopers intruding on it. And I've never got that peace back. It was not that I seethed each day with resentment towards my children; more that I felt oppressed by my constant responsibility for them. Young children prevent you from being spontaneous; every outing becomes an expedition. If you take your job as a parent seriously, you always put their needs before your own."

With my  "armchair psychologist degree," I  diagnose her with a selfish and narcissistic personality.  She is too concerned with her own feelings and desires to care about her children.  She is unable to get past the fact that she has had to alter her own schedule for these "interlopers."  She is unable to see this change in her life as a positive one since she is so obsesssed with her own wishes.  She is a person who truly should not have had children.

Rather than be angry at this woman, you should feel sorry for her.  She has never truly experienced the joy that comes with raising a child.  She has missed out!  She can never get those years back.  Feel compassion for her children who never had the experience of unconditional love from their  mother.