Resolutions for My Facebook Friends

 

 If you read my post last year about resolutions, you know that I have a problem with them.  I don't write New Year's resolutions for myself, I would much rather write resolutions for other people.  

I may lose Facebook friends over this post but I write this anyways.  This year I am going to write resolutions for all my Facebook friends.

2014 New Year's Resolutions for My Facebook Friends: 

1. I resolve not to post about my exercise routines.  I will not post how many miles I have run or post pictures of myself exercising at the gym.  I understand that no one needs to know this.

2. I resolve not to post pictures or status updates with curse words in them.  It is just unnecessary.  As an adult, I should be able to express myself without being vulgar.  I understand that some of my Facebook friends may have children that can read and if they walk by a computer and see their parent's FB feed they should not have to read that nonsense.

3. I resolve not to declare my undying love for my significant other through Facebook.  I will yell into the next room and tell them in person rather than declaring it through my Facebook feed.  I am aware that this might make my Facebook friends throw up in their mouth when they read it. 

4. I resolve not to over use the "count down" post.  I will only post major milestones until the "big event."  I will avoid daily updates such as "only 187 more days until our sweet baby is due" and then the next day "only 186 more days until our baby is due."  I am aware that my Facebook friends can do simple math and can figure out how long it is until the baby is due without the daily updates. 

5. I resolve not to be depressed on Facebook.  I vow not to complain about being single and how I wish I had a boyfriend.  I will try to be content with whatever my marital "status" may be.  

6. I resolve to check all of my "controversial articles" on Snopes before I share them on my news feed.  It is a simple step that I can take to help stop the spread of misinformation.  

7. I resolve not to post pictures of my feet.  I don't need to explain this one.  Feet are gross and I understand that no one wants to see that. 

8.  I resolve to try not to post about my "first world problems" on a daily basis.  I understand that chipping my nail polish does not qualify as a crisis for my Facebook friends.

9. I resolve not post pictures of myself "clubbing," especially if I am over 30 years old.  Again, no one wants to see that.

10. Finally, I resolve not take "selfies" during the year 2014.  "Selfies" are not attractive for anyone that is not a child.  

What resolutions would you like to see written for your Facebook friends?