Middle School Science Teacher Humor

I teach middle school (6th-8th grade) science.  To call it an adventure would be an understatement.  It is both challenging and hilarious at the same time.   Unlike high school science teachers who often get to specialize in one branch of science, middle school science teachers get to teach it all: life, earth and physical science.   The hilarious part: the kids.  If you are a middle school teacher then that is enough said.

Sometimes when I am spending way too much time on Pinterest, I find the most hilarious science teacher humor.  Here are some of the best:

 

 

Rules for Moms at the Park

 I went to the park last week with some of my friends and their children.  There was a mom there that we had never met before.  We wished that she was familiar with this list of "unwritten" mommy rules:

1. Don't give food to children that aren't yours without asking their mom first.   It is frowned upon to cause another child to have an allergic reaction and go into anaphylactic shock.  So unless you carry an Epipen in your diaper bag alongside your Nutter Butters, keep your snacks to yourself.

2. Don't tell other moms that you think that their children should be careful.  Don't tell them to slow down or not to climb so high. This is especially true for school age children.  If their mothers kept them alive for 5+ years then their mothers probably don't need your help.

This little 15 month old may look like she shouldn't be climbing this equipment.  Refrain from trying to tell her mother (me) that her child shouldn't be doing this.  Her mother has spent like a million more hours with her than you (random woman at the park) has spent with her.  She knows what her child can and can't handle.

 

3.  Don't discipline children that are not yours.  Sometimes it is difficult to resist the urge especially when some children act like miniature sociopaths.  Keep an eye on your own children, even though I am sure they are perfect little angels. 

4.  Watch your language!  Your children may be used to hearing foul language but my children don't live with the Real Housewives of NJ.  I don't need them coming up to me at the park and asking what $%@# and *%#@ mean.

 

Please feel free to print out this list of rules and pass them out to the parents that you see at the park.  Maybe we should have the nurses in the maternity ward pass them out to all new parents.

Did you see me at the mall?

Here in New Jersey the weather this week went from 50 degrees outside to 80 degrees in just one day!  The steamy weather prompted me to look through the kids' clothes to see what summer clothes they had in their current size.   Ella has plenty of dresses but not a lot of t -shirts and shorts.  I remembered that Ella got an Old Navy gift card for her birthday from her aunt.  I decided that now was as good of a time as any to spend it! 

If you have young children (mine are 1 and 2 years old) then you know that a trip to the mall sounds a lot simpler than it is.   So when we got to the mall, I loaded the babies into the beast of a double stroller, buckled everyone in, squeezed the diaper bag into the stroller, distributed the bribery snacks & beverages and headed into the mall.

When we walked out of the mall, I tried to remember where I parked.  As I scanned the parking lot I saw my minivan.  Yes, we owned the van that was sitting in the lot with the doors wide open!  While going through my 12 step process to get the kids ready to go into the mall, I must have forgotten to close the doors!  We had tons of DVDs and books in there and nothing was missing.  Even the dollar bills and spare change sticking out of the dashboard were still there!  

I was grateful that nothing (including the van) was stolen!  I guess there are not as many crimes taking place at the mall when it is 10:00 in the morning.  

So when you see a minivan with its doors left wide open, say a little prayer for the mom that owns that van.  She was probably too frazzled to remember to close them!

Do A Dot Don'ts

 

Don't get me wrong- I love the Do A Dot markers.    I love them so much that I created a Pinterest page of free Do A Dot printables.

I wrote a blog post about how much my two year old son, Lucas loves these markers.  I wrote about how nicely he cleans up and how well he works with them.   I spoke too soon...

Lucas went to town with his Teal Do A Dot marker.  His face, lips, teeth and tongue were completely covered in marker.  For added fun, he took of his socks and colored his feet.  He is an over achiever so he colored both the top and bottoms.  He then proceeded to color on the doors and toys.  I know this happened after he colored himself because there were teal footprints leading from the table to toys.

The really impressive part of this mishap is that he accomplished all of that in less than three minutes!  I went upstairs to put his sister in her crib for her nap and then ran into the bathroom.  I was out of the playroom for no more than three minutes!  That is a lot of destruction for such a short period of time.  Good thing I walked in when I did!

Hoping that these Terrible Twos turn into the Terrific Threes!

The Problem With New Year's Resolutions

I have a problem with New Year's resolutions.  You would think that the problem is keeping them or making attainable goals.  Nope- with me the problem is that I can only make them for myself.  Wouldn't life be better if you could pick resolutions for other people?

I decided to write some resolutions for others...


For my husband, Aaron-  I resolve to always take my dirty, filthy boots off before I enter the house.  I also resolve not to use every pot we own when I am making dinner.  Since I don't want my wife to drown, I resolve to always put down the toilet seat.

For my daughter, Sydney- I resolve to do all of my homework this year without complaining.  I also resolve to listen to my parents the first time they ask me to do something.   Since my mom is awesome, I will tell her that she is the best mom everyday.

For my son, Lucas- I resolve to no longer use diapers and to only use the potty.  I also resolve to chew my food and swallow it. I will no longer hoard my dinner for hours in my cheeks.  Since I wouldn't want my mom to work any harder than she already does, I will not spit my milk in to my toys this year. 

For my daughter Ella- I resolve to sleep at least 10 hours every night during 2013.  

For my neighbor- I resolve to quit smoking so that my neighbors no longer have to smell my second hand smoke as it wafts up to their windows.


For the people I always end up behind on the highway- I resolve to avoid the left lane and drive in the right lane where I belong.

For all of the other women out there-  I vow to gain weight so that Amy Delmanto will look skinny in comparison. 


I could go on all year writing resolutions for others.  It is much, much harder to write them for myself.

I Can Laugh at Myself Too

This afternoon I took my daughter Sydney and my nieces Kate and Kylie to the ice skating rink here in town.    A great guy at our church organizes outings for families to attend.    Since I have been pregnant for about the last 1,000 winters, this is the first time I have been ice skating in awhile.  We had a fun time together and Kate was by far the best skater of the four of us.  We enjoyed seeing some of our friends from church and hanging out together.

Many people would end their blog post there.  They would post the highlights of the outing and some of the pictures of the fun moments.  Since I promised to keep it "real"  I am posting a video below.

Let me set the scenario, turn the sound up and you will hear that Sydney wanted me to make a video of her skating.  I proceed to follow behind Sydney with the camera rolling. I struggle to keep up with her.  She is a much better skater than I thought!  

Watch it until the end, it is worth it!

Yes, that is me totally wiping out.  I crashed and burned.  I fell so hard on my ribs that I completely knocked the wind out of my chest.  After I was able to breathe, I laughed hard at myself.  I am glad that I learned at a young age to laugh at myself!